Anyone who has tried to lose weight knows the drill...you are all gung ho, do well for a while, and something happens (or doesn't happen) and you hop off the wagon. The problem with this wagon is that you have to hop off a little bit every day to stay alive. Its not like alcohol or drugs in that when you get on the wagon, you can stay on and stay alive...you have to eat to live, and you have to make the choice to eat well between 3-6 times every day. (or more if you are like me and really, really like to eat. I don't deny it...food is a comfort and a curse, can be my best friend while simultaneously being my body's worst enemy..
The point is the "thing" that happened this time was that my legs just STOPPED working completely, leaving me unable to exercise (or efficiently climb stairs for that matter) and I'm having surgery to repair both lateral meniscus (menisci?) in both knees February 10. I've never been able to manage my weight by diet alone, I've always had to do extreme workouts in combination with calorie reduction to lose weight and keep it off. The "keep it off" part is key...I can lose weight by dieting without exercise, but it never stays off. I'm so glad I'm getting my knees taken care of, because soon thereafter I'll be able to exercise again. Until then, I'm just going to try to eat the best I know how and not beat myself up about it so much, especially now that I know that it wasn't my weight that fucked my knees up, it is a congenital deformity called discoid meniscus. Its so funny...my knees have always hurt, but I just ignored the pain, thinking that it was because I was fat. I ran a marathon in 1994 with these messed up knees. The congenital defect is usually found out between the ages of 6-12, but since my family didn't believe in doctors unless you were bleeding profusely from the head (long story) I just didn't get it taken care of.
Anyway. That's what happened to me, that's where I've been, just trying to figure out how I'm going to make it through this with a newborn and an 8 year old counting on me to be able ot care for them. I know my weight should be the least of my worries, but its always in the front of my mind...
Okay, I need to get a grip. I'll write more later. I hope you are all doing great out there in bloggerland.
h